Why Do We Eat When We're Not Hungry?
Ergo, why do I write when I think I have nothing to say?
Food For Thought.
To be a writer you have to do more than just write words. I believe you need to have an opinion. But with that comes a certain confidence that your opinion is actually worth something to your readers. That confidence begets a kind of hunger. A voracious appetite for writing. A need to make sense of your thoughts, to ask questions; and to inspire the reader to reflect themselves. So perhaps in October, it wasn't that I wasn't hungry, I just didn't believe in my hunger. I didn't believe that what I wrote would be of any value.
The democratisation of publishing through platforms like Substack and even Twitter means that more and more people are able to become writers. I believe this is a good thing. But through this echo chamber, I often feel like I'm reading – and more concerning, writing – things that I've seen or heard before. Everything feels like a shadow of a former tweet or an alternate newsletter. Millions of us arriving in your inbox. Mini memoirs. Personal essays auditioning for The New Yorker. Cue: comparison complex, a deep-rooted insecurity that nothing you say can ever be original, forgetting why you actually write and a voice inside your head telling you to simply 'leave it to the professionals'.
There's a difference between doing something for the joy of it and doing something for a function. And another one between both of those, and doing it because you feel like you should. Why do we eat when we're not hungry? Why do we fall into bed with people who aren't good for us? Why do we procrastinate when we know it will make things harder? Why do we go out when we don't feel like it? Why do I write when I think I have nothing to say? Perhaps it's instant gratification, pressure to conform, a self-imposed commitment. Or a desire for acceptance. Fullness. Perhaps a bit of admiration.
The other evening, I made a hearty and autumnal meal of creamy mashed potatoes, braised cabbage and shallots, veggie sausages and orange-and-cumin-tinged carrots. A glut of gravy. I messed up the timings. Got angry at myself for it not being perfect. Thought about how much better other people would do it. Then Andy, the saint that he is, helped me pull it all together. And as we sat around the table, laughing about my tantrum and debating newspaper politics, I realised that sometimes you do need to eat when you're not hungry. Or cook when you don't feel like it. You should write even when you think you have anything to say. And yes, to some extent, you need to fall into bed with the wrong people. Because when you meet the right one, it's all the more obvious. When they're quite literally saving your gravy.
PS: Now that I'm back, I'm also excited to be using these wonderful illustrations my friend Anita made for Since No One Asked. All the things I love in hand drawn form. You'll see them floating about as dividers and adorning email banners and thrown onto IG posts because they're so damn cute. Thank you Anita!
Recipes-not-recipes™️
I sometimes panic when I need to make a vegetarian meal, even thought that's what I often eat myself. But the pressure of making it delicious sometimes overwhelms me and I fall back on pasta or the Ottolenghi orzo that's a failsafe every time. But sometimes I look in my fridge and all the ingredients click and I get into a deep state of flow. Which is how this dish of grilled romanesco steaks, Brussel sprouts two ways and crispy smashed potatoes came about.
You'll need:
One romanesco broccoli, cut into thick steaks (the little bits on the end are perfect too)
A handful of Brussel sprouts (maybe 10?) – half halved, the other half really thinly sliced (so they look shredded)
Half a pomegranate, deseeded (cut open, slice down the white bits then remove the seeds in a big bowl of water)
6 new potatoes, boiled until tender
One thinly sliced shallot
Half a jar of Bold Bean Co chickpeas (drained)
Butter and olive oil
Block of feta, crumbled
For the tahini sauce:
2 tablespoons of tahini
2 tablespoons of Greek yoghurt
1 teaspoon of Aleppo pepper
For the vinaigrette:
Juice and zest of half an orange
2 tsp dijon mustard
Splash of white wine vinegar
A few tablespoons of oil
A big squeeze of honey
Preheat the grill to 200º. Heat some oil in a cast iron or oven-proof, wide shallow pan and once hot, add the romanesco steaks and halved Brussel sprouts and chickpeas so they get a bit of colour underneath. Drizzle some more oil, salt, pepper and chilli flakes on top and pop in the oven for about 20 minutes (or until cooked through and browned on top). Once you've boiled your potatoes, use the bottom of a pan or small plate to smash them. In a hot pan, add a knob of butter then the shallots. Stir and cook until soft. Then add a little olive oil and the smashed potatoes, frying until golden on both sides. Make the tahini dressing by adding the tahini, greek yoghurt, a little water and a squeeze of lemon then whisking. Add the aleppo pepper and some salt to taste. For the salad, make the vinaigrette in a wide bowl, mixing all the ingredients, tasting to see what you'd like more of. Once it's tasting good, add the shaved Brussel sprouts, pomegranate and feta, mixing it all through. Feel free to throw in some chopped parsley. Serve up and drizzle the tahini yoghurt sauce over the greens and potatoes. A glass of orange wine would do nicely.
Leftovers.
Looking forward to reading this piece on modern British food in the FT Weekend today
Could watching videos like this shrimp and rice burger ALL DAY
I’ve been wanting to make tiramisu for forever. Here’s what I hope it turns out like.
Not related to cooking, but was turned onto this piece about Amanda Knox which was very interesting.
How Julie Sahni advanced America’s understanding of Indian food, via The New Yorker
Here’s an insight into my Pocket reads this month:
