Food for thought
It's been four days since I sheepishly strolled into A&E and told reception that I had sliced open my hand with a knife because of an avocado. Yes, I'm that millennial.
Although as a writer I believe in setting the scene with words, I feel like this picture really sums it up. This is what I came home to at 10am on Tuesday morning after Caroline kindly stitched up my hand and gave me a tetanus shot in my upper right bum cheek.
I won't go into specifics, but I will point you in the direction of this video on a similar experience. Also this WhatsApp conversation with my best mate Becca, who was honestly quite surprised this hadn't happened sooner:
*disclaimer: I cannot extract a pea from a baby's nose.
In the words and spirit of Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a tenuous link I could make between this injury and life in general. And it wasn't until I really inspected the photo above that I realised it was a perfect visual description of heartbreak. The knife, toxic exes that speared my soft stone of a heart; spilled blood; and in the background some kimbap wrapped in foil, representing the comfort of food whenever my heart split open again.
I don't know if it's the 2014 soundtrack or the significant loss of blood this week, but I find myself transported to those days when love's little losses felt like huge ruptures that could never be stitched back together. When beers at gigs were the anaesthesia I needed to numb the pain; when comfort food was the bandage that wrapped me up. When I look back on those years – fun, painful, crucial years – it's strange that I can so viscerally remember what that felt like. It was a sharp knife slicing through butter (or perhaps a finger?). Almost too easy. It was sitting in the dark for hours and hours, crying silently, wondering if he would ever take me out of the shadows. It was patching up the pain with never-to-be-returned affection. It was eating. Then fullness. Then emptiness.
These days, my cure-all is three vodka martinis and a double cheeseburger. Or a conversation with friends. And him. Who handles the knife with care. Who doesn't plunge it straight through the stone. Who doesn't expect me to bleed. Who shares the load. Who pulls me out of the shadows and turns the light on. Who cooks with me and for me.
And so I'm grateful for those emotional A&E trips. For the tears and the rips. Those marks are important. As is remembering that your heart is soft but strong – and it will always heal itself.
Here's to the ruptures and the people who stitch us up. (s/o to Caroline from Homerton Hospital).
Cat x
Recipes-not-recipes™️
Special shout out to my pal Georgia who introduced me to this Ottolenghi recipe. I changed things up (how could I not?) and as the sun whispers in our ears with the promise of a second date, this dish feels like the perfect prelude to spring.
For two people you’ll need:
1 cup of wild/basmati/red rice (I used this from Biona)
1 cup of water
2 tbsp sesame oil
1 1/2 tbsp fish sauce
Juice of 1 lime
2 red chillis, chopped
1/2 fennel, thinly sliced
3 spring onions, chopped
1/2 cup mint, chopped
2 seabass fillets
Splash of oil for cooking the fish
1/2 lemon
A healthy knob of butter
Salt + pepper
Cook the rice in a saucepan with a lid on, on a low-medium heat. It should take about 10-12 minutes. While that’s bubbling, do all your chopping. When the rice is cooked, take it off the heat and let it rest. Cook the seabass skin-side down in a well-oiled frying pan. After about 4 minutes, flip the fish then add your butter, salt, pepper and lemon juice to the pan. While the fish is cooking, mix all the other ingredients together in a shallow wide dish. Serve the fish with the rice and pour the butter on top. I enjoyed mine watching re-runs of SATC on my computer monitor, which felt like big ‘almost-30-living-alone-Saturday-night-in-pandemic’ energy. Beer, optional but highly recommended.
Since I asked…
I first met Charlotte Faure Green when she was Charlotte Faure and I was green (fresh-out-of-uni and interning at Harper’s Bazaar). Charlotte worked at Spotify and would invite me to their offices for lunchtime gigs and more importantly for epic meals at Yauatcha, a casual five minute stroll from both our offices. We’d drink Japanese cocktails and eat dim sum and talk about music. We reconnected on IG (where else?) over our love of peanut butter (Manilife for life), and here we are. Now you’ll find Charlotte doing her nutritionist thing in Brighton, guiding stressed and anxious bodies + minds back to balance.
How would you sum up 'health' in your profesh opinion?
For me finding balance, and thus health, is all about making sustainable habits that become second nature - allowing room for the occasional less than nourishing choice that nourishes the soul. This has gone a long way to remedying the “black and white thinking” mentality (that plagued my teens and twenties), which leads to restriction, punishment, shame. Through trial and error I have learnt how my body likes to eat and when it feels best, and this means that I make the right choices most of the time, and forgive myself when I don’t. I'm all for conscious nourishment, not perfection! This is often a large part of the work I do with my clients.
What food do you eat when you're sad?
When I'm sad the kitchen is where I want to be, so it's something slow that I have to stand over and attend to, like a risotto. Or roasting a chicken with preserved lemon, butter, thyme and a whole bulb of garlic under the skin - that's probably my number one go-to comfort food. And then using the stock to make a risotto the next day, salting it with my tears.
What recipe makes you feel most like you?
This is such a good question! Probably because it is so hard to answer. I think it's got to be something brunch-y like a shakshuka, eggs Benedict or sweetcorn fritters with poached eggs - basically eggs. If I'm eating brunch on a lazy Sunday, I know I'm relaxed and have got my favourite people around me. Or a table full of little Spanish plates in a hot and dusty Airbnb somewhere.
Can you tell me the recipe for something you've made this week?
I've rediscovered my love of pasta and it's been on heavy rotation recently. I got excited about all the asparagus that's appeared (I know I know, it's still too early) and this week made asparagus, lemon, basil and rocket with spaghetti (recipe from Bon Appétit). It's so light and fresh and is getting me excited about spring produce, even if I'm premature.
Leftovers
More knives, this time cutting through steak. I can’t wait to cook outside again.
Crispy rice forever, especially when it’s tahdig.
Really into Gem NYC’s spring-on-a-plate vibe.
The pure joy of Waffles & Mochi via The New Yorker.
The only reason I should get TikTok is for videos like this.
Take me back to California and put a Meyer lemon marg in my hand, stat.
Swirly egg blanket for your rice? Yes please.
Not a brunch girl, but down for it if it’s Japanese.
That viral pasta, but make it Boursin.