Start As You Bean To Go On
A few random thoughts on guilt, then onto the main event: beans.
Food For Thought.
For someone who isn't religious, the level of guilt I experience is exceptionally high. When I was younger, I used to lie in bed, eyes wide open, unable to sleep until I'd recounted all the things I should feel guilty for (usually not telling my parents I got less than 50% in DT – not a practical girl). As I grew up, this guilt transformed into an unhealthy obsession with food, particularly how food made me look and ignoring how it made me feel. These days, guilt takes on a different guise. I worry about how much money is in my bank account (not much) or whether I've been a good enough friend over the past year. About whether I've done enough exercise or eaten enough vegetables (fries count, right?).
In a recent Maybe Baby newsletter by journalist Haley Nahman (a much more eloquent and coherently structured essay than this), she writes:
Guilt is complicated. It’s an ethical tripwire; an alarm that signals our behaviour is in conflict with our values. Harnessed productively, it motivates us to reflect, make a change, make amends. But it’s not the most reliable system. Sometimes the wire is too sensitive, or triggered by the wrong red flags. Sometimes it goes off at the wrong time no matter how many times we’ve fixed it. And what do we do with guilt then?
It's true. There are feelings of guilt that are useful because they're tangible and connect to a code of morality. But that hinges on an assumption that what we're taught as right and wrong, or good and bad, is inherently true.
When I was younger, I felt conditioned to think that to be accepted was to be small, white and pretty. Even as I graduated from this school of thought, the pervasive health and now wellness industry (cue: Goop and its other outliers) still feeds us the narrative that to be 'healthy' is to constantly identify problems (bad skin, tiredness, low libido) and be offered solutions (buy this powder, try intermittent fasting, juice) that cost money. Only to perpetuate this idea that health is equal to wealth, whiteness and the Western standard of beauty, prolonging our guilt around Not Being Enough (the literal worst and hardest thing to overcome).
It would be irresponsible of me to say I don't harbour extreme feelings of guilt over the food I consume, because I do and probably always will. But everyday I try to push those feelings aside and think about how lucky I am to eat wonderful food in such great company, especially when it consists of fresh tomato salads that taste like summer (this week consumed at The French House, Parsons and Bistrotheque – likely to be eaten again today at Orasay, if the menu allows). Or crispy, crunchy, salty fries dipped in mayo, the taste of which gives me that same feeling of writing the names of school crushes in my notebook during joint orchestra (that is: dizzying, all-consuming, half-baked, not-sure-what-this-is lust. Also yes, nerd alert).
TBC on the true hypothesis of these last four paragraphs (can you tell I write my newsletter two hours before I send it?), but if I were to take a wild guess, it's to not let guilt guide you or take over your brain. Especially when it comes to food. To celebrate cooking grains and vegetables at home but also chowing down on burgers and salt cod beignets.
Here's to creating your own definition of health and 'being well', whether that means tomato salads or fries (or both – would recommend).
Cat x
Recipe-not-recipes™️
Ignore the current weather situ (if you’re in London, that is): BBQ szn is upon us. There’s nothing more tantalising than the smell of charcoal, firelighters and burnt sausages. Whilst not an expert in the art of barbecuing, what I can do is make very tasty side dishes, especially using a jar of Bold Bean Co butter beans.
It couldn’t be more simple: empty the jar of beans into a sieve then into a large bowl or dish. Pour enough olive oil (aka a lot) to let the beans swim in a shallow pool of goodness, and add a few pinches of flaky sea salt, a fair few twists of cracked pepper and the zest of a whole lemon, and the juice of half a lemon. Let it marinate while you slice a couple of handfuls of sugar snap peas into thin strips, cutting almost diagonally so you get these sexy slithers.
That’s it. That’s the recipe. We had ours with mustard vinaigrette dressed leaves, focaccia, homemade chive mayo, chive-and-parsley-and-mint salsa verde, marinated chicken and obviously burnt sausages. Martinis and wine on the side.
Since I Asked.
ICYMI, I love beans, especially when they’re cooked to perfection then jarred so they’re instantly ready to slip into a salad or be simmered in chicken stock or thrown into a sad pasta sauce (see last week). Enter: Amelia Christie-Miller, its founder and also the head of sales and marketing for Foodchain, a community of independent food suppliers working together to grow access to high quality, sustainable produce. I slid into Amelia’s DMs and we spoke about why beans, what beans and how to eat said beans.
Obviously beans are the best. But please tell me what began your legume love affair and why you decided to start Bold Bean Co.
It began on a hangover when I was living in Madrid. I remember I'd bought them for one of Nigel's "EAT" recipes, and this jar of Judion beans was all I had in the flat. Desperation and laziness meant that I grabbed a spoon and started eating them straight from the jar. At that moment my perception of the humble bean changed forever. WHY did they taste so good?
Fast forward 5 years and I'm working in the food sustainability sector - where I learned how insanely good beans are for soil health and, of course, flexitarian diets. It had me thinking: beans can save the world, the problem is, no one likes them. Bold Bean Co was born to change that!
If you were a bean, what would you be and why?
I'd want to be a Queen Butter Bean, but she genuinely is Beyoncé. So in reality I'd probably be a bit more of an Alubia Blanca (our Organic White Beans).
What bean recipe have you got on rotation at the moment?
A fridge raid tomato sauce with herbs, EVOO + Queen Butter Beans instead of pasta.
What's the dish that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
I make these maple bacon scones with salted clotted cream which, for a split second, really take you into a different world.
Who should we be following on Instagram for great food-related content and inspiration?
@pigletsinwiglets. For some reason, this account has hardly any followers but is genuinely one of my faves. Hilariously, everyone thinks she's a middle aged granny because of her styling but it's actually because she's still living at her parents. I met her a few months ago and she's a very cool chick.
Leftovers.
Lots of nodding through this Healthyish podcast episode on The Myth Of Healthy Eating.
A case for keeping IRL recipes from Charlotte Mendelson on The New Yorker.
This piece on Eve Babitz for the London Review Of Books (“for a friend’s midlife crisis, she suggested the tuna melts at her favourite deli, Victor’s, where ‘the onions were grilled beyond dreams of gluttony, the tuna was fluffy, the Swiss cheese on top melted like a dream, and it was altogether a promise fulfilled’”
Been really into cooking to this playlist.
These really do look like the best breakfast tacos, thank you Carolina Gelen.
Words can’t describe how much I want this handmade cleaver.
Ridged crisps and homemade onion dip with cute little chive flowers? The ultimate bbq canapé.
Yes to this pasta involving all the best green things: olives, chives, broccolini and spring onions.