Cooking: The Solace and The Struggle
Like most people who –
were fortunate enough to be *able* to stay home in 2020 (as in, I'm not not a key worker or NHS staff member, thank you to both) cooking became a both a solace and a struggle. And this dichotomy isn't too dissimilar to how I've thought about food over the past ten years.
Having been brought up in a household that was obsessed with food – taste, cooking and culture – I've always felt inextricably tied to it. Food holds a great power over me. For better or worse.
Food memories from my childhood that have stuck in my mind: creamy, glossy mashed potato that I insisted on eating for every birthday meal; bowls of sticky rice studded with toasted black sesame seeds and enriched with silky sesame oil then salted with soy sauce which I ate when I was sick, happy, sad or otherwise; soft, trembling eggs cooked in a bamboo steamer topped with crunchy spring onions wolfed down before school; kimchi fried rice for packed lunch that friends would gather around, bored of their cucumber sandwiches.
At university I learnt the power of food to bring people together: late-night tray-baked pizzas which disappeared after too much house wine; countless dinner parties where we dressed up for the occasion and mimicked Come Dine With Me because 2010; roast dinners every Sunday around huge wooden tables with more sides than people; gathering the strays for brunch at halls when we were too hungover to do anything but eat jacket potatoes (god, those were the days).
And then my early twenties when London restaurants became a reality. But also the time when I counted calories, ate raw, binged and purged, looked in the mirror and saw something completely different, misunderstood the meaning of health and mislaid my sense of wonder.
Fast-forward to now: back in love with food (which is never without its challenges, because disordered eating doesn't really ever leave you –it's a constant, active choice). The struggle and the solace with eating in 2020 – especially when you live alone – was different to how I've experienced it before.
The struggle: constantly having to cook (read: look after) yourself; feeling like you should be cooking something new and exciting every night; being exhausted at the end of a work day because you live in your office and you wish pasta would just materialise; knowing that every meal you cook will be eaten by you, and you alone. And sometimes that hurt.
Then the solace: learning something new; understanding what your tastes are; escaping the 9-5; reconnecting with dishes that bring you joy; discovering your own style; eating something delicious that you created.
Like everything else, food is polarising. It can be completely blissful, but it can also be painful too. While we're all stuck at home again, I'm trying to balance my feelings around food. Cooking when it feels good (sometimes even necessary), and taking a step back when it feels more like a burden. It doesn't matter if your meals range from low key and low effort (a bowl of rice with fried eggs for me), a little more indulgent (pasta pasta pasta, I've never eaten so much pasta) or arrive in a paper bag on your front door (I appreciate my local pizza place so much).
Give yourself a break. Take it easy once in a while. Try to remember what food makes you happy. Savour each bite.
Here's to the solace and the struggle.
Cat x
crispy rice, crispy egg.
As a rice obsessive, I have a few ways I cook my rice: the rice cooker, which takes about 25 minutes and is v hands off. My brand new Donabe pot that I'm high-key obsessed with, that gives you fluffy sticky rice of dreams; and also any non-stick pan for cooking basmati in a little stock.
This recipe calls for leftover rice. Would recommend checking out Basically's article on oven-cooking rice if stove-top cooking hasn't worked out for ya.
For one person:
Leftover rice (I used about 1/2 takeaway tuppaware. Admittedly it was probably too much, but also so what?)
1 spring onion, thinly sliced (the whole thing)
2-3 anchovy fillets (or not)
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
Pinch of chilli flakes
Sesame seeds (how many, you decide – I scatter them throughout the process)
1 egg
A few sage leaves
Small knob of butter (a thick slice? idk, I love butter)
Some sort of chilli sauce/oil (I use sriracha or the Tonkotsu Eat The Bits chilli oil)
Add the butter into a large, shallow, heavy-bottomed pan on a medium heat. Once it's melted, add the chilli flakes, anchovy fillets and the white parts of the spring onion until the anchovies have melted and the spring onion is soft.
Flatten the rice on top so it covers the surface of the pan and crank up the heat to medium-high. Leave it for about five minutes. You basically want the rice to crisp up at the bottom. Add about 1/2 tbsp of soy sauce and all the sesame oil by drizzling all over.
In a separate non-stick pan heat 1/2 tbsp chilli oil with a little smidge of butter. Add the sage leaves then crack the egg in, season a little with salt and pepper. Fry it on high for a few minutes.
Check the rice – once it's feeling a little crispy, take it off the heat and stir the rice together, adding in the rest of the spring onions and scattering the sesame seeds. Taste it – if it needs more soy sauce, add the other 1/2 tbsp.
Spoon into a big ramen bowl, add the egg and a little squeeze of sriracha. Top with a fried egg and anything you so desire. Some sliced avocado. A little kimchi. Red cabbage. Beans. Pickled cukes.
food stories.
– Amazing to see Yewande Komolafe be added to the New York Times cooking writer roster – we need to see more Black and POC women on these platforms
– Hugely excited to tuck into Towpath Cafe's Recipes and Stories – Londoners, buy direct from their website and chef/owner Laura Jackson will cycle to deliver it
– Nadia Owusu on repairing her relationship with her mother through food, via Bon Appétit
– Head to upcoming food journal For The Culture's Instagram to get a first look at Issue º1, featuring Zoe Adjonyoh, Mennlay Golokeh Aggrey, Thérèse Nelson and Marisa Hall
– Discovered this food memoir, Tiny Moons: A Year Of Eating In Shanghai by Nina Mingya Powles and can't wait to read.
leftovers.
– Will be making braised chickpeas in olive oil from this Food52 video
– Rice love continued: Nadia Owusu's pilaf with vermicelli
– Variation on a theme: fried eggs but with potato rosti from Breddos Taco's founder Nud
– I love salad leaves, especially when they look like this
– Beth the Borough Chef proving that feta does make a meal
– My friend Bre's from her first newsletter last week is BOMB
before you go.
Obviously in more normal times, I'd suggest going for an IRL coffee (or more likely, a martini). But if you like what you're reading and want to support my writing, I've set up a Ko-Fi account.
and if you like what I'm putting down?
Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell your lovers!